***This post was originally published as “Mending” on September 4, 2021 at 2:47 P.M. EST. Made a few edits and as of April 19, 2023 at 11:21 A.M. EST, it is “Mending: Revamped”. Keep in mind that the temporal context of the post hasn’t changed which means these are not current events.
I fixed my shoes today.
The left foot’s sandal’s cream colored patch was peeling off. I tried to glue it back repeatedly. But it keeps tearing off. So, I changed my methods. I put my needle and thread to use.
In exactly five places I tied small knots with white thread:
And I tested it. The thread – and my shoes – work like a charm.
I’m like these shoes. Just as much as they are tattered and frayed at the edges, I am emotionally for a myriad of reasons.
The difference is those shoes require someone else to mend them.
I don’t.
My whole life, I’ve been looking for someone to rescue me. A Prince or Princess Charming. A Knight In Shining Armor. A Savior. And so on… Someone to save me from heartbreak, grief, loneliness.
I think that’s why it’s different this time around.
Because I’m doing my own healing. I’ve been doing my own healing for years. I just didn’t realize it. Let’s face it – I’m not nearly as scarred for life as I should be. And trust me, I’m not complaining.
I’m explaining.
I don’t love him because he’s an avenue to quech my loneliness. I fell for him because of who he is and because he makes me happy.
And what more do I need than that?
Everything else will work itself out.
The other day my friend asked me what wad the difference between him and the others – well, there’s your answer.
And bonus update on my life: I tore up my list. Technically, I deleted it ’cause it was digital. Either way, it’s gone for good. No more jumping from person to person, terrified of rejection and abandonment.
Turns out, I actually am a one and done kinda gal… I just had to find the one.
