Love and relationships are not exclusive.
Not every romantic relationship is based in love. Sometimes it’s lust. Sometimes it’s friendship. Sometimes it’s compatibility. Sometimes it’s respect. Sometimes it’s something else altogether.
And sometimes it doesn’t work out. Other times, it does.
Just as much as this is true, love – as in love-love, romantic love – does not have to live itself out in a romantic relationship.
Sometimes people who share this feeling are better off without a romantic relationship. Sometimes for some time. Other times for a lifetime.
Maybe it’s their circumstances that make it so. Maybe their characters. Maybe their toxicity. Maybe their codependency. Maybe something else. Or it could be as simple as they don’t want to pursue it for their own reasons.
And it’s not a bad thing.
My boyfriend and I have gone back to being best friends. And the truth is, it doesn’t feel like much has changed. Why is irrelevant – it’s happened, that’s all you need to know.
And after it happened, I understood this: Romantic love is amazing. Romantic relationships suck. It’s not a universal truth but it’s a constant in my life.
I’m far too stubborn and selfish and so is almost every single person I’ve ever fell for – not every single one, but almost. Compromise in the 21st Century seems to be impossible. Not by choice. It just is.
But he’s different.
He’s different because for the first time I’m not holding onto a dream that I know probably won’t come true. I’m holding onto hope that if the timing is right and the circumstances are too, we’ll work. Because he’s got something that none of the others did – he understands me. Doesn’t just blindly accept me as I am, but truly understands me.
He understands me and I understand him. But the truth is I don’t think either of understands ourselves at the moment.
And if we don’t know ourselves…
But you know something? I’m happy. Not because we broke up. But because we’re still best friends in spite of breaking up. I could care less whether or not we’re together in a romantic relationship. As long as he’s a part of my life, just as much as he was before even if in a different way, that’s enough.
