We all spiral sometimes.
Some people talk to therapists and their friends; I write.
I can talk for days and none of it will make sense ’til I put it to the page.
These last couple of days have been my spiral. Well one of my spirals. And I’ve processed it. If you’ve noticed that some of my posts have disappeared… this is why. I don’t need them anymore. And if I don’t, you don’t.
So then what’s it all for, you ask… I can’t completely explain it.
For years, I wrote only to my journal. But who would read it but me. I was essentially talking to myself and I got bored and lonely.
And then I started writing letters to this one writing prof who asked us to write anything really. You can find them on wattpad.com/lovelove161819. Yours Truly to You and Yours Truly in Love. And they made me feel better. It felt to good to know that when I vented someone was actually there on the other side.
I still write in my journal, but much more rarely. There are certain things in a person’s life that must remain completely confidential. And I’m not stupid! If someone tells me “Please keep your mouth shut” about this or that, I will. Then there are those small moments like inside jokes or trying very hard to remember what you had for lunch or if you ate lunch at all – and those, no one cares about and no one reads about. One author says if you find your own writing boring chances are others will too (I forget who; I learned about it in my fiction writing class). So if I find those inconsequential things boring, I’m sure as hell not gonna put them on here.
And I might sometimes delete a post or two (or like six or seven) when I’m done processing whatever phase I am in in my life. And then you’ll just have to wait for the next random part of my life my mind decides to process next.
So the reason I’m writing this specific post is so that you’ll know my webpage didn’t just malfunction. I decided to delete those posts and whatever posts I may ever choose to delete.
It may not make sense to you but that’s okay. As I used to tell my besties back in high school everytime they questioned what I did and why, I’ll say the same now: It’s because I’m Me.
