Have you ever been in those moments when it feels like the world and life are doing their best to make sure you you have a terrible day?
You’ve procrastinated on most of your assignments because you’re tired and there’s a lack of inspiration.
You’ve hit writer’s block on the novel you’re currently working on.
You’ve missed your DMV Intial Permit appointment, the first step to getting a license, because of – of all the things in the world – car trouble.
You’ve accidentally taken the second car’s keys with you so while you’re still about an hour away from home your brother’s unable to get to his tennis match and it’s your fault.
You’ve forgotten to perform one of the key responsibilities of one of the jobs you hold all because though you’re wonderful at time management and organization, you sometimes suck at remembering to organize and update your calender. And it’s kind of a fireable offense. But fingers crossed that they meant they’ll only fire you if you do it on purpose or multiple times and that you’ll be fine because as your co-workers told you, “You do everything else right”.
The man you love – and yes love – because at some point, it happened without you realizing and you’ve been through this too many times to be stupid and pretend it’s untrue – and for his own reasons which are completely valid, he doesn’t want to date right now. But you’re still unclear if it only means he doesn’t want to date you. Because how many times has that happened? I don’t want to / I can’t / it’s not you, it’s me – But I’ll date the next pretty girl that comes along.
And even though he is one of your best friends and she’s become one too, you sometimes feel like shaking him and asking, “Why not me?” Because by none of your faults, even if you are completely happy with someone completely different – hopefully the man you currently love, are in love with, are lusting for, are madly fantasizing about every other minute – you’ll always wonder “What if?”
And yes, you’re an overthinker, which is why you’re writing this blog post instead of doing anything else with your time. But this is how you process.
And you’re having another crisis of the mind, of the heart – What if Raj is my last love? What if he’s my true love? What if? And is he just a back up plan? Do I want to find out? Do I want the man I love to hold me in his arms forever so I don’t have to find out?
And you feel like pressing your palms against the temples of your head and screaming as loud as your voice will allow, then breaking an unvaluable glass vase or something near the ocean, then saying “eff you” to life’s problems and going for a walk on the boardwalk after watching yet another beautiful sunset.
I suppose that’s why it’s all worth it.
Because as much as life sometimes sucks, there are the small, beautiful moments to look forward to. Like watching the sun set beyond your van’s windshield while hearing another Telugu love song playing from your mother’s phone because yours is about to hit 0% again.
