Raj and my predicament with Raj has been an inspiration for quite a few of my poems this semester actually.
Here is one:
I originally called it “Want Not Need” and I hate the title now so I’m changing it… to…. ….
Conversation
‘Have you completely forgotten all the moments we spent with one another in each other’s arms? Our heart-to-hearts? Hours of rants? Complaining about your mother and how it’s always the bad guys and never the bad boy that looks your way? Crying about your dad nearly dying last year and me laying your head in my laps, running my hands through your soft long locks, trying to soothe your tears? Or how about hours of me singing your favorite songs and us dancing around your living room in the middle of the night while you made and drank your mocha lattes? What about me giving you those oh so shocking insights into life, into your life, because I’m the one who does all the analyzation, right? And you using
those profound thoughts to fuel your writing for years. And this is how you repay-’
Stop… You know that this isn’t how this conversation would go, right? And it’s not even a conversation, it’s you thinking I’m upset when I’m not. I’m your friend. And maybe you’ve outgrown me. Which is okay. And you don’t need to feel guilty for it. I’m your subconscious and I can feel what you feel, remember? I also know you feel scared of letting go.
What if I’m scared of not letting go? Scared of what the world will say? They’ll think I’m crazy.
But aren’t we? And maybe that’s okay?
*Stares blankly and blinks*
One
Look at
Me
Once
Look
At me
Can you
Feel
My heart
Beat
Give me
Your
Hand
Give me
You
Take me
In
To you
My eyes
Tell
The truth
Does
Your heart?
Do you?
Yes, I do.
I love you.
The original version pre-revision was everything after “*Stares blankly and blinks*”.
Post-revision… The dialogue between me and him just came out. Everything I wonder if he’d say. And everything he said instead.
As an after-note to my prof, I wrote:
“I cannot exactly explain where this extension came from. It’s so damn complicated. My mind right now… If you figure it out, let me know?”
Well, how do you divulge to someone that you have an imaginary friend/boyfriend/lover/husband/stranger-in-the-night that you’ve been afraid might disappear on you as of late?
Huh, actually, I guess it is that simple.
