You ever have those moments in life during which you feel like this is the moment your new chapter starts? Like a reset on life, emotion, everything.
Things just… feel different?
Flashback time: See the clouds, the stars, zoom into outer space, zoom back on Earth, and me about one-and-half-years ago. It was a Friday morning. He said “hey”. That was the moment. Everything after it felt… lighter? Brighter? I had just gone through two breakups, moved out of the house for the first time. And yet my heart felt like it was stuck in my bedroom, clutching the phone at 6 A.M., crying over the guy who stole my heart and broke it. But I broke his too my fair share of times and just as much as he fled, I drove him away.
The last time, I was broken.
I was healing.
I needed a Knight in Shining Armour.
This time I don’t feel broken at all. I feel good. Like life’s somehow just good.
There’s something different… Maybe the snow?
Maybe the quiet?
Or maybe it’s that for the first time in a long time I don’t feel like I’m running out of time.
I can’t explain it. It’s just there.
The repeating thought “I have an year to get so much done” now sounds like “I have three-hundred-and-sixty-five days to live out my heart’s desires and three-sixty-five after that and after that…”
I’m no longer holding on to moments of misery. I close my eyes and I see that summer day. And January 30. That’s what I remember. And that’s what marks a new chapter.
That and when you find yourself coming up with dumb dialogues to talk to a new guy it has to mean something. The last time I knocked on a guy’s door close to yhe middle of the night with a ruse… Well, it’s been a while since I found myself searching for excuses… and then laughed afterward.
