An Epic Love

Epic?

Kya hain “epic”?
Kaun hain “epic”?
Kyun hain “epic?”

Literal Translation for those who don’t know Hindi:
What is “epic”?
Who is “epic”?
Why is “epic”?

Okay, that last sentence didn’t make any grammatical sense in Hindi or English but it sounded right and fit with the preceding questions. But it makes sense.

Why do we look for “epic”?

Isn’t that why we get into on-again off-again relationships which we know are going to end on off one day. We know we’ll all get our hearts broken. We know we’re not meant to be. We know we’re not even the type to make any compromises or try to make it work. We have commitment issues. We have a history of rapid choices and midnight cries. But every time we hear their voice on the phone, which is rare, all we want is to be tied up on a bed with them on top and rock each other’s world. We are toxic. And we love it. We love being an addiction. Having an addiction. It’s not even a matter of love anymore. We just want each other. Need each other. Know no one else well enough. And we don’t care to know anyone else because we’re so fixated on “they are the one”. Even if the best thing about them is the fact that they heat up our skin.

Isn’t that why we daydream? Isn’t that why we always fall for the unattainable? The ones we have zero compatibility with? But there’s an explosion of hot white flames inside our heart every time we see this person walk away and then we turn to our best friend and say “I’m screwed” for the millionth time. Or every time their name comes up during a phone call with our friend, our heart flies up to the stars, we let out a satisfied sigh, know we’re still so fucking screwed, then shake it off with a laugh because we’ve finally come to terms that it’s impossible and we don’t gave a damn. But the smile on our face doesn’t go away. And all we can say is it’s the way they make our heart beat.

Isn’t that why we try our best to force ourselves to fall for the one that does everything to make us happy? Isn’t that why we think the fact that our interests and beliefs lining up perfectly is the perfect reason to say “I love you”, “I want to marry you”, and “never leave me”? Isn’t that why we look for that person that we have to make no compromises with? And they’re not bad. There’s no toxicity. They like us too. And we say we love them and we mean it but… Do we love-love them? We think this is enough. But is it? And it’s only when they ask how we would feel if they left us for someone else and we realize we want them in our lives because they’re good to talk to, they’re good to listen to, they’re good to live with, but do we love-love them? They make sense, logical sense. And why would we leave them for someone who we’re not in sync with? About the kind of lifestyle we want to maintain.

We keep looking for epic.

We go for the one that lights our bodies on fire. When that doesn’t work, one that ignites our hearts. And when that fails too, the one that checks all the boxes in our brains.

They are all epic.

And yet, not the one.

One person who turns on our body, heart, and brain is the one.

I don’t know why we inherently search for epic.

But I don’t need someone who’s epic. I need someone who’s my everything.

And as long as that person only exists in my mind…