With the amount of code names I give these men (and a handful of non-men), both our brains must be spinning… But I gotta. It’s how we keep track. Okay, so, maybe my list is still persistent. It’s just in my brain, that’s all. Instead of in an app on my phone.
But I promise it’s not just names on a list.
Each names makes the list because they are that important. Because they are to be remembered. They are my legacy just as much as I am theirs.
If you follow my Insta, @SamhiC8LovesToWrite (and if you don’t already, you should), you’d know that I said I’m redefining my Almost Last Love.
My Almost Fiancé – he has the privilege of earning this title.
It’s simple. The one I deemed my Almost before… he could’ve been. But this one – he would’ve been.
Sounds similar. Isn’t. Just because it was possible doesn’t mean it was probable.
There’s a willingness that’s unforced for which no logical reason is known. I make his heart beat that’s all. And not with anxiety… Though I’m sorry for nothing, feel no guilt, I do realize it would be easier if I felt the same. After all, our compatibility score is close to 95%. It would’ve been very easy to say I had sexual feelings for him (I did somewhat – enough to survive since I didn’t plan on having sex with anyone) and say I had romantic feelings for him because that’s not something you can really discover with a stethoscope.
But I couldn’t.
Just like Edna Pontellier couldn’t.
Like Marian Forrester couldn’t.
Marian Forrester is the leading lady of Willa Cather’s “A Lost Lady”.
Terrific novels. Lots of drama. Highly recommend.
I do NOT own either of the cover art images.
I do NOT intend any copyright infringement upon them.
The main difference between them and me (apart from the fact that they are fictional characters) is that I thrive in a world that doesn’t judge nearly as much as theirs did. And I also tend to care much less about the amount of judgement that does occur.
So I broke up with him.
We’re still friends.
We might’ve been married but we’re not and we’re still friends.
And all this in a span of a few weeks. My lord, the world spins fast.
Even crazier: he’s the second guy I’ve been informally engaged to in my less than twenty years on the planet.
But Fiance No. 1’s a story for another time.
