Never Riskless

“Forever” seems so short. It really does. With time blindness, my forevers feel like they’ll be done in a blink of an eye.

And yet, to feel each moment is to live a lifetime.

Turns out getting over heartbreak, as painful as it may be, is also a quick process for me.

Isn’t that funny?

My Mr. Hopeful, as much as he’ll always be a shining light in my life that fills me with hope will never be my life partner.

I’ve come to terms with it.

I know it.

And it’s okay.

And I’d prefer not to wreck the remnants of our best friendship by pushing for more.

I watched Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani rhe other day. My favorite scene in the movie was the scene in which Deepika’s character Naina tells Ranbir’s character Kabir that you can never have everything. In gaining something, you must always give something up.

Just as Kabir and Naina had to give up going to the lazer show to watch the sunset, I must give up my romantic intentions toward my friend in order to protect our friendship.

But:

Nothing I said in “Regretless” becomes untrue. Everything is a risk. And not trying because of risk causes regret. Except I was so worried that if I didn’t try to be with him that I’d regret it, but in reality if I don’t try to protect our friendship, I’d regret it more. Everything is a risk.

Choosing what risks we take, what we give up to gain, is just a matter of deciding what’s more important to us.

And:

Which is why while I struggled plenty with whether or not I wanted to try dating him again, deciding to give it up has been the easiest decision I ever made. Because I do love him. I care about him. And I’d rather he be my best friend for life than be a stranger I once romanced and left behind.

I just wish I figured this out days ago. Before I (probably) destroyed what’s (definitely) one of the most important relationships in my life.