We’re not meant to love just one person.
I would know. How many men and women have I been through since January alone? And it’s one thing to go one by one, but what happens when you fall for more than one person at a time?
Now, consider, what happens when you’re in a committed relationship with the man you’ve literally been waiting for your entire nineteen-and-a-half-year-long life and you occassionally think about another person?
Because I’mma be honest – I have.
Okay, so for all of you thinking, Here we go again. At least this guy lasted a month which is about month longer than some of the others… Sorry to dissappoint – this isn’t one of those stories.
I have looked at other guys, occassionally a girl. Even came up with some pretty wild story lines for future novels (but that has more to do with a search for inspiration than anything).
I haven’t cheated on him.
And the fair share of people I’ve discussed this matter with said:
So, what is this? Me justifying “Look, don’t touch”? Me justifying my fantasies of everyone that isn’t my boyfriend? Me expressing a desire to break away from monogamy as I did once or twice before?
No.
And for what it’s worth, I only wished to break away from monogamy when I was stuck with men who couldn’t be everything I wanted. They were epic, each to their own. But they weren’t enough.
Your next thought will be: Well, damn, isn’t your boyfriend gonna flip when he sees this post?
No.
Because he already knows. Yes, in spite of several warnings from several close friends, I told him. I told him I had an – well, I’m actually not gonna say “innapprorpiate” because that’s subjective and I didn’t think was but – daydream (not even a dream, but a daydream) about a friend of mine. I also divulged that I felt something while talking to another friend of mine the other day.
And I could evidently see he was a little upset. He admitted, he was a little jealous. But: Thoughts aren’t actions. But moreover:
We’re not robots.
So yeah, sometimes, I’m gonna look at someone else and think “Oo, hot”. Or I’m gonna bond over some random hobby with some random person. Knowing me, I will. But at the end of the day, I have a choice to make.
We all do.
Every single time.
And that’s what makes it so beautiful. Because everytime, I will choose him. Not because I’m being forced to or because I’m worried he’ll get hurt or something else. But because I love him.
I’m not stuck. I’m not gonna resent him in ten years like a friend of mine so gently decided to tell me which led to a bet that she’d get an invite to our wedding in ten years instead.
I have the freedom to make a choice.
And Meri Jaan, I will always choose you.
